Hello 2022 and my WOTY

 

Does anyone still choose a WOTY? If you do, you'll know what it stands for, and if not, it's.....Word of the Year. 

I'm not sure where I first heard it, I think maybe on someone's blog, but I've got a WOTY jotted in the back of my Bible since 2011. Right about when the entire country becomes obsessed with pumpkin lattes from Starbucks, I start thinking about the upcoming year and what word will define the direction I want / need to go?

What do I want to focus on? What needs change? How do I need to change? 

After going through the steps you'll find HERE, I've chosen 'LISTEN' (twice) (because I tend to talk more than listen), Consider (I tend to be very decisive - sounds nicer than impulsive), DWELL, STRONG/SOFT. One year I chose ''LESS IS MORE - that was the year I quit everything and gave half the house to Goodwill, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes I felt the need to take chances and chose DARE to live out of my comfort zone. Years when I felt the need to slow down were defined by DEVOTE, CHERISH and QUIET.

This year I've chosen relax. Not even relax capitalized, just relax.

More than two decades ago someone close to me told me I had the tendency to be controlling. My birth order is #4 out of 6. Trust me, #4 of 6 never got a say about anything. Because our mother worked outside the home, my sister, who was the oldest, got the job of doing the laundry and fixing supper; it was also her job to tell me and my four brothers what to do 24/7. Back in the early 1960's, if I had looked up 'bossy' in the dictionary I was sure my big sister's school picture would be right there next to it. Bossy was what I equated  to 'controlling'. This person calling me out was pretty danged bossy themself, so I just chalked it up that they were obviously wrong and moved on. 

Two decades down the road I realize they were actually pretty right on. 

Don't you hate it when that happens? 

Me too.

I began to notice people who did all they could to control the outcome of all sorts of scenarios, and saw myself more often than I wanted to. I could defend myself by saying there's a good amount of baggage following me around, and a counselor may or may not have told me I've spent a good amount of my life in survival mode, so that I only feel safe when I try to control the situation around me. Excuses may make me feel better, but they don't change anything, ever. 

I began to be aware of people who were over-protective of those they loved, manipulative of situations to ensure outcomes, etc etc etc. I saw myself in them - the same well-meaning but unhealthy tendencies. I'd prided myself on taking care of those I held dear. Looking back I see the reputation I gained of being a 'don't poke the mama bear' was actually me trying to keep things in control. 

I stayed alert, aware, I held my breath, for so many years that it became a deeply engrained habit. I've made some progress over the years, and I've gotten better at recognizing people who have this tendency. Anyone who starts too many of their sentences with 'you need to' or 'you should' sends me running the other direction. As a person who struggles to relax, I've come to realize I am not overly blessed to hang with people even more uptight than me. It's a bit like two addicts hooking up at rehab - not a great idea. 

So this year, 2022, after a couple of completely crazy years of the world feeling out of control because of covid, and hearing way too much about my very least favorite subject - politics, I'm focusing on just taking more deep breaths, making fewer lists, trying to not go over scenarios in my head ALL THE TIME about what will happen if ...... Will my family be okay? Everyone stay healthy? Jobs hold? 

You know what, I don't know. But God does, so.....

I'm just going to try to relax. 

If you want to join along and choose your own WOTY, you can go HERE  to get started. 

P.S. to my big sister, Barb - thanks for doing more than your share of the chores and keeping all of us alive during those years of chaos. xoxoxo