Becoming the Best Version of You and Me....

I'm not sure if others feel the way I do, but if so, can I please get an 'Amen' that figuring out female friendships is an ongoing learning curve. Sometimes it feels like a smooth ride, and other times it can get pretty rocky.

Not only do WE change as the decades add up, but so do our lives. Fifty years ago thirteen years old, skinny me skipped down the middle of Click Drive, arm in arm with Patricia and Carolyn, singing So Happy Together by the Turtles at the top of our lungs. I compared trainer bras with Pamela, and shared that I'd had my first kiss from Danny Bacon, the cute boy on the corner whose sprinkle of freckles across his nose completely enchanted me.

Then we moved several states away - this time connecting with Susan and Tracie and a few others whose face I would look for at all future school reunions. We'd stay in touch over marriages, babies, divorces, deaths, and whether to go gray or not.

As I continued to move about the country, starting the friendship process over again and again, I made some great choices, and some not so great. For them and for me.

I've just started reading a book by Sally Clarkson and her two daughters, Sarah and Joy, The Girls' Club: Cultivating Lasting Friendship in a Lonely World. Sally was brilliant and grew her own two besties - her daughters, and I've essentially done the same. But we all need friends where we are, and my two girls are 2000 miles away for half the year. I also need friends who are a bit more objective than my girls, and who have a wider circle of what can be shared. (Some things you just cannot share with the person who birthed you.)

I feel like I've maybe beat this subject to death without ever completely figuring it out. I've written in my journal about it until I suspect even the pages are a bit weary of it all. But what I'm currently focusing on is what should I look for?

someone who has a positive attitude toward life - the glass is half full or more (Tris, I love this about you

someone whose default isn't a critical approach or response (Charlotte!)

someone who is comfortable in their own skin; an overdose of insecurity is exhausting (Sarah, I LOVE this about you)

someone who treats their husband with respect, whether he's there or not (all three of my girls)

someone who doesn't gossip or criticize others not present (Janae you nail this!)

someone who has empathy for others (Leslie I love your tender heart xoxo)

someone who really listens to others (Laurie, you are a pro!)

someone who approaches each day as a gift to be savored (Cathy S, this is you)

someone whose life is faith based (Janae)

someone who has as generous spirit toward others (Karen, thanks for the lesson)

someone who sees themselves as a steward rather than owner of what God has gifted them with

someone who considers themselves to still be learning (my mother exemplified this trait)

someone who laughs with, rather than at others (Susan, I love this about you)

someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously, because really we humans are a mess (Tracie)

someone who is kind to animals, little people and those less fortunate than themselves (Bettie who always has a 'back up dog')

someone who forgives others, and themselves as well (Sarah, this is you)

And while I'm making the list, and trying to be aware of those around me - deciding if they fit this list, I need to be asking - do I? What kind of friend would others say I am?

Women and their friendships are SO complicated! I wish I'd learned years earlier that we have circles. The circles closest to me are very small, only a very few are within it. My daughters, my daughter-in-law and a very few others. The circles that are beyond that are more because of locality or shared interests or shared stages of life. God also sometimes sends friends for a season, just when we need them, or them us.

Matthew Kelly (The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose) said it so well:

"The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us to become the vest version of ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great. We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the best versions of ourselves."

Well said Matthew.

So what about you? What do you look for in a friend? Try to be in a friend? Do you have something that is a 'must have' characteristic of a friend you hold close? Let's share. xoxo